Becoming Someone Who Chooses Herself: A Journey Back to Self (By Joy Alice)
- Joy Alice
- May 26
- 2 min read
Introduction: The Moment Everything Shifts
There was a time when I didn’t choose myself.
Not because I didn’t want to—
but because I didn’t know how.
I thought being a good person meant being available.
Being understanding.
Being everything for everyone.
And slowly, without realizing it, I became someone who was always there for others—
but rarely there for myself.
Until one day, something shifted.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just quietly, I started asking:
“What about me?”
When You Realize You’ve Been Abandoning Yourself
Choosing yourself doesn’t start with confidence.
It starts with awareness.
For me, it looked like noticing the small things:
Saying yes when I wanted to say no
Staying in situations that drained me
Prioritizing other people’s needs over my own peace
I didn’t lose myself all at once.
I lost myself in small, repeated moments of self-abandonment.
And the hardest part was realizing that no one else was doing this to me.
I was allowing it.
Choosing Yourself Feels Uncomfortable at First
No one talks about this enough.
Choosing yourself can feel… wrong.
It can feel selfish.
Unfamiliar.
Even lonely.
Because when you start setting boundaries,
not everyone will understand.
Some people will question you.
Some will distance themselves.
But I’ve learned something important:
The people who only love the version of you that overgiveswill struggle with the version of you that chooses herself.
And that’s okay.
Because growth is not about being liked by everyone.
It’s about being aligned with yourself.
What Choosing Yourself Actually Looks Like
It’s not always big decisions or dramatic changes.
Sometimes, choosing yourself looks like:
Taking a break without feeling guilty
Saying “no” without explaining everything
Walking away from what doesn’t feel right
Protecting your energy, even when it’s uncomfortable
It’s quiet.
But it’s powerful.
Because every time you choose yourself,
you rebuild trust with who you are.
You Are Not Losing People—You Are Finding Yourself
One of the biggest fears I had was losing people.
But what I didn’t realize was this:
I wasn’t losing people.
I was losing versions of myself that were built on survival, not truth.
And in that process, I started finding something more real:
My voice
My boundaries
My sense of peace
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you stop loving others.
It means you stop loving others more than yourself.
Conclusion: Becoming Someone You Can Rely On
I used to look for safety in other people.
Now, I’m learning to become that safety for myself.
And maybe that’s what choosing yourself really means:
Not becoming perfect.
Not having everything figured out.
But becoming someone who listens to herself.
Who respects her own needs.
Who doesn’t abandon herself when things get hard.
Because at the end of the day,
the relationship you have with yourselfis the one you will live with forever.
And I’m finally learning how to choose her.
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